Leading up to our NYC event, we’ve been lucky to interview key people from some of the NY LGBT organizations joining us. Tosin is our second feature for today! Read below about how the team at D8able is trying to change the LGBTQ dating scene.
What is the mission of D8able?
D8able’s mission is to show the LGBTQ community how to be Datable, by first understanding themselves and who they are, before they should bring someone else into their life. We also want to create an environment for likeminded people that are seeking to be in long term healthy relationships.
What inspired you to start D8able?
The inspiration behind the creation of D8able, stems from our personal frustration with dating in the LGBTQ community. We realized that there was problem and we wanted to find a solution. Overall, we wanted to impact the LGBTQ community in a positive way by creating an environment that’s conducive for self-growth, learning and forming healthy relationships.
How is D8able different than other dating services out there? How are you tailoring what you offer to a LGBTQ audience?
D8able is different because other matchmaking services are not as detailed or dig as deep as we do with our clients. We also have different phases to our screening process. D8able has a team of Psychological/Behavioral Profilers- which gives us a very strong focus on the mental health and development of our clients and daters. With our unique profilers, it allows us to do something that no one else can do, as our process is a lot more meticulous than just a generic or advanced questionnaire, nor do we use a computerized algorithm. Our biopsychosocial assessment allows us to show our client who they are and what areas they need to work on. In general, when people come to us, they will have to ask themselves these questions: “why dating and relationships are a problem for me and do I really know who I am.” In addition, D8able is also very different because of our expertise and professional backgrounds. Co – Founder Tosin Adesanya has a background in Human Resources, which allows him to engage and connect with potential clients as well as scout for qualified daters for our clients. Co – Founder Tye Farley has a background in psychological profiling and crisis management, which allows him to profile and understand our clients and daters on a much deeper level as well as knowing when a new client or dater may not be telling us the truth during their initial assessment. In addition to matching and advising, D8able also has a strong educational focus, which includes our monthly panel discussions and our dating/relationship workshops. Finally, a key component that also makes us very different is our Elements of Dating chart, which comprises of 20 key elements a successful relationship should inspire to have and emulate.
How has the climate around LGBTQ issues changed since gay marriage was legalized in the US?
The climate around LGBTQ issues since gay marriage was legalized is still evolving with a lot more to do and change. Marriage equality has been great for the community overall, as we believe this will provide additional exposure needed for many more LGBTQ members to feel “normal” and inspired to get married one day. Now, post marriage equality, there are still many issues to tackle, especially, globally where in certain countries, many LGBTQ members, still cannot express love for another person like themselves without risking their safety or lives. The global issues around the LGBTQ community should be the next major focus for change and equality.
If you’re open to it, can you share a powerful moment or story of someone who has been helped by d8able?
There is a current client that came into our office to learn more about our matchmaking services. The client has been down the long road of dating online and trying to connect with people at bars, and he is also HIV +. He came into our office emotional and concerned that he would never find anyone that would accept him for who he is. We were able to have a great conversation around what he’s looking for in a partner and we were able to make him feel comfortable with our services, as we assured him that we would not bring someone to the table that was not ready to date and grow with someone like him.
What are the biggest roadblocks facing LGBTQ organizations like yours?
There are some roadblocks in having an LGBTQ matchmaking and relationship advising service, however, we have solutions to get over them. The two biggest road blocks we have deal with the lack of examples of successful long term healthy relationships. Relationship examples are very important because, it allows people to see what they could have in the future, in addition, having a couple that can mentor you or you can at least get advice from is important and very helpful to avoid common mistakes, but unfortunately, this mentorship is missing in the greater LGBTQ community or it’s kept within small circles. The other road block deals with bad habits and superficial thinking. At D8able we usually have to breakdown old bad habits of our clients before we can teach them the best way to approach dating. By nature, we all have superficial wants in our ideal partner, however, these superficial wants are only holding them back from what they actually need. For example, we have clients that have told us they are open to love, but they also have a massive check off list of things that aren’t attainable or realistic. Those are the people that we have to give a little extra attention to.
How has the LGBTQ community in NY impacted you? How would you like to impact it?
The LGBTQ community response to D8able since we started has been incredible. The positive reception we have received have only added to our fuel to keep helping more people. We want to continue to impact the LGBTQ community in a positive way by being a part of the solution. Healthy long-term relationships are important in the LGBTQ community, as they can lead to many other important things and issues that the community needs to focus on.
What have you learned through starting D8able?
Since we started D8able, we have learned that every client we have met is in a different place in their lives and when it comes to dating or a relationships, most of the time, our clients want so many things from a relationship, but have no clue where to start. That is why we created D8able.